In the wake of personal loss, some reflections on the relationships we forge
“I’ve never had a legitimate business relationship with a company. I’ve always had a personal relationship with someone in the company.”
Shortly after law school, I received some of the best professional advice of my career: concentrate on your relationships and your business will take care of itself. Such a simple concept that has the hidden power to drive so much else. I believe this concept accounts, in part, for the strength and longevity of many of my professional connections. Recently, an unexpected business opportunity, borne entirely out of personal loss, has provided me with the chance to re-experience this concept at work in a completely different and moving way.
Photo courtesy of Ana Miyares Photography
As an only child of an only child, I am grateful for my close, extended immigrant family. We spend a lot of time together, naturally, and I (mostly) love every minute of it. It’s the kind of family where, if you haven’t checked in during the last 24-48 hours, they will start to hound you. Here is a photo of part of my extended family during my Big Fat Assyrian Wedding.
“Relationships are the only thing that matter in business in life.”
In 1995, my cousin, Suzie, married Michael Wilson, also an attorney with a real estate-related practice. While I got to know Michael well, mostly through our frequent family gatherings, I would occasionally see him in court or at various spots in downtown Chicago, where we would give each other a friendly wave as we moved through our workday. In 2018, Michael passed away - suddenly and unexpectedly - at the age of 52, leaving behind Suzie and their three children. Earlier this year, with Suzie’s support and the support of my firm, I transitioned Michael’s practice into my own. In the process, I have experienced firsthand the effect Michael had on his clients, employees, peers, and members of the judiciary. This experience has prompted me to think a lot about the connections we make during our working life. I have three takeaways.
1. We Are Humans Above All Else
Michael didn’t just move mindlessly through his workday at court or at various governmental offices. He saw the people in his world as individuals and got to know something about them. They were not merely functionaries tied to his law practice; rather, Michael understood that everyone has a story. In turn, Michael was not just another face in the crowd, precisely because he took the time to know a bit about them and their lives. I know this because so many people I now encounter spontaneously make the most heartfelt comments about him.
This really hit home for me a few weeks ago when I appeared in court for one of Michael’s former clients. My case was the only one on the schedule but before I could start speaking, the judge began to talk with me about Michael. He told me how much he had enjoyed him in his court room, that he had known him for years, and that they shared a love of cycling. For a few minutes it was just a moving conversation between two people. Of course, I ultimately proceeded with my hearing, but this unexpected conversation left a lingering impression on me. Indeed, it became the impetus for me to write down my thoughts here.
2. Clear, Consistent Communication Is Critical
The fact that several of Michael’s clients stayed with his practice over two years after his death is an impressive testament to the strength of the connections he made with others. One of Michael’s most loyal clients has often remarked to me about how quickly Michael would respond to his inquiries. In fact, this client told me that whenever someone else tried to refer him to another attorney, he would always ask how responsive the prospective referral was, knowing that Michael made timely communication a priority – a rare trait amongst attorneys, in his opinion. The client also stressed that, compared to other attorneys he had worked with, Michael talked to him as an equal, in plain and simple terms, and never talked down to him, again differentiating him from other attorneys.
In essence, what we are talking about is caring about your clients’ matters as if they were your own and providing the information, guidance, and responsiveness you would want if you were in their place. These concepts are perhaps self-evident, but, too often, we forget them, and it is important to remember that they really can be the difference in growing and maintaining your business and differentiating yourself from the crowd.
3. It Takes A Village
Throughout his professional life, Michael created and nurtured a supportive space for himself with his legal peers. This year that network generously has made itself available to me, helping me grow in my own practice. Whether fielding my practical questions or simply riffing with me on interesting client issues or legal developments, this network is clearly built on the concept of “when one rises, we all rise.” Seeking out such a community requires the confidence and strength to know you cannot go it alone and instead must trust in the individuals who form your extended social and work network. It is taking pride in having your clients directly experience the terrific team standing next to you, while also empowering your colleagues to grow professionally in the process. Sometimes, more importantly, it is the understanding that you don’t need to be everything to everyone when a referral to someone else makes more sense.
These past few months for me have been a bit like experiencing “It’s A Wonderful Life,” but with a different twist. I have been given the unique opportunity to experience the deep impact that one person left on the people he encountered in his professional life. While it is not a role I would have envisioned or strived for, it has allowed me to more fully understand and appreciate that it is the relationships we nurture that truly are at the heart of everything we do – both professionally and personally – and that must be the focus of what drives us.
